We love cats here at the kitten channel, you may have noticed, but we can't just indiscriminately love all things that are supposed to be cats. Disney gave dog-lovers 101 Dalmatians, and us the poxy Aristocats (despite the far-out-jazzy 'everybody wants to be a cat', groovy) - that's about par for cartoon treatments. Here's our list of some of the worst animated offences...
10 Tom
The unfortunate Tom, the blueprint for all other unsuccessful cartoon-mousers (see also Mr Jinks), makes this list for his seeming inability to do the decent, cat-like, thing when catching mice. Tom, forget elaborate 'Mouse Trap'-style erm, er, mouse traps that have one fatal flaw and just jump on the mouse. And don't forget that little bum-wiggle you all do before take-off.[Link] |
9 Custard
The thing about custard apart from its dairy-pudding-goodness is its yellowness. The thing about Rhubarb, apart from its stringy-manute-growing plantiness is its deep purpleness. Custard, pictured left, er. shum mishtake shurely.[Link] |
8 Sylvester Jr
Sylvester is not the world's most successful cat. Fifty odd years and he still hasn't caught that tweety bird. Saddled with a speech impediment and an obsession with obscure native american stews, the last thing he needs is a mini-me following him around pointing out all his mistakes. Give the cat a break.[Link]
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7 Heathcliff
Heathcliff was so crap, he couldn't even carry his own TV series, he had to share it with a dog called Marmaduke. Let's face it, it's just a Garfield rip-off. We really don't like Heathcliff, and we're not sure why - maybe it's the rubbish anthropomorphic West-Side-Storyness of it all.[Link] |
6 Charmmy Kitty
Charmmy Kitty is a cute little cat, but we're a bit worried that she's Hello Kitty's pet. It's a bit odd, a bit like having a pet dwarf. Charmmy Kitty has a pet as well, no doubt that pet has a pet as well and there is an infinite number of Sanrio characters each smaller than the last. Note to Sanrio, we won't be buying your plush microbes when they launch, oh alright then, we will.[Link] |
5 Arlene (Garfield's Girlfriend)
Garfield is full to bursting with pointless minor characters. Arlene is the most pointless of the lot. The whole point of Garfield is unlovable, how come he's got a girlfriend? Apparently tom cats have spiky cat-willies, if Garfield ever got frisky, he'd burst her as she looks like a balloon model.[Link] |
4 Penelope - The Cat From Pepe Le Pew
Pepe le Pew cartoons go like this: amorous french skunk is loveless, female cat walks through building site, female cat accidentally gets painted with a white stripe of paint making her look exactly like a female skunk, amorous French skunk falls for painted cat and chases her around, skunk catches cat, stripe is somehow washed off. Penelope never learns her lesson about the dangers of Dulux and any cat worth her MeowMix (TM) would wash that paint off straight away as part of the hour a day they spend washing when they're not sleeping or eating.[Link] |
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3 Mi Lady
Milady is a sultry object of desire for all in dog-infested 17th Century Paris. We don't have a problem with Milady, we're just a bit worried about potential inter-species breeding. And while we're at it, how come the cats can talk, the dogs can talk, the mice can talk, but the horses are dumb?[Link] |
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2 Azrael - tries to eat the smurfs
We don't know much about this cat, we don't know how to pronounce its name and we're not even sure that the Smurfs cartoon has ever been shown in England. That said, there's hundreds of bloody smurfs and Azrael has never managed to catch even one of them. Come on Azrael, eat those little blighters and save us from another Christmas album.[Link]
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1 The Cat In The Hat
The Cat In The Hat has got to be the least feline feline in the cartoon world. It's only a cat because it rhymes with hat and there's no reason for the hat. He doesn't chase mice, he doesn't purr, he doesn't leave little poos in the bottom of the wardrobe; he just makes a mess and cleans it up again, not like any cat I've ever known. Cat In The Hat? Tw...person in a hat more like. Tosh.[Link] |
